Quest for Ham and Lox
by albinotanuki
Summary: (parody of "Quest for Camelot"). Waddles runs away into the forest and Mabel must find him with the help of a blind boy and his seeing-eye kestrel.
1. Chapter 1

Mabel Pines had been watching Waddles from the window with concern. Lately, Waddles had been going in and out of the Mystery Shack into the woods, usually with food stolen from the fridge. Dipper went up to his sister and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Come on, Mabel. Here. I made you a bagel with cream cheese and lox."

Dipper handed the bagel over to his sister.

"Thanks Dipper." said Mabel, "I still can't help but think about Waddles."

"You care WAY too much about that pig." said Dipper.

"At least I care about SOMEONE." said Mabel, "I'm sick and tired of people saying I'm too selfish! What about all the selfish things you've done? Like when you tried to hit on Wendy right after she dumped Robbie?"

"Whoa, Mabel, calm down!" said Dipper.

"Sorry. I'm just a little anxious about Waddles is all." said Mabel.

"Well so far, nothing bad has happened to him." said Dipper.

"Yeah, but what about the next time? He could get hurt or killed!"

"Mabel, I recommend you go outside with Waddles. I think the fresh air will do you good." said Dipper.

"Okay." said Mabel.

Mabel went outside on the porch. She watched Waddles play and smiled happily as she took a bite of her bagel. Waddles walked up to Mabel, looking at her with his cute chubby face.

"Hey Waddles." said Mabel as she knelt down to pet her pig, "You are the cutest pig in the world. You know that?"

At that moment, Waddles stole Mabel's bagel and ran into the forest.

"HEY! COME BACK WITH MY BAGEL!"

Mabel chased Waddles into the forest. As she did, fog started to role in, obscuring her vision as Waddles disappeared into the thicket.

"WADDLES!" Mabel called out as she walked further into the woods.

Mabel looked around the foggy forest.

"Boy, this is ominous." said Mabel to herself.

It was as that moment she felt something wrap around her foot. Before she knew it, she was upside down in the air. It seemed that one of the roots from a magical tree had trapped her.

Suddenly, a flash of silver darted around her. After that, a mysterious figure with a wooden staff struck the root, letting Mabel go. The tree then uprooted itself and slithered away.

Mabel got up from the ground and looked over at the stranger who saved her. He looked to be around her age, wearing tattered clothing.

"Wow. Thanks for saving me from that tree." she said.

"Well, anyone can make a mistake." said the stranger as he started to walk away.

"WAIT!" said Mabel, "I was wondering if you've seen a pig run by. Possibly with a lox bagel in its mouth."

"Nope." said the stranger, "Haven't seen anything."

Looking closer at the stranger, Mabel gasped.

"Oh, I didn't realize you were-"

"What?" asked the stranger, "Tall? Rugged? Handsome?"

"YES!" said Mabel, "But I was also going to say blind."

The stranger laughed as the long bangs covering his blue eyes brushed back. "You know I ALWAY forget that one."

The silver light from before came back, landing on the boy's shoulder. It turned out to be some sort of bird with metal wings.

"Aww, your bird looks like a little airplane." said Mabel.

"This is Merlin." said the boy, "He's an aluminum winged kestrel."

The kestrel started to screech to the boy.

"Wait, you've seen a pig?" asked the boy.

"That's great!" said Mabel, "I'm coming with you!"

"It's too dangerous for someone like you." said the boy, "You wouldn't last a day out in the forest."

"Hey, I've been to the forest many times with my brother!" said Mabel, "Besides, if a blind person like you can make it out here, so can I."

Merlin then flew over to Mabel's shoulder and started nuzzling her.

"Aww, Merlin likes me." said Mabel, "Guess you have no choice but to let me come along."

"Fine. I'll help you find your pig." groaned the boy, "Just promise you'll leave me alone afterwards."

"Great." said Mabel, "I'm Mabel, by the way. What's yours?"

"Carrey." said the boy.


	2. Chapter 2

Mabel and Carrey followed Merlin into the forest. Mabel was getting bored, so she decided to make some smalltalk.

"So... I take it you've been living in the forest for quite some time?"

"I rather not go into details." said Carrey.

"Oh." said Mabel.

Mabel walked silently before she started singing to herself.

"_I hear the didgeridoos sound, but she's only eavesdropping on some smalltalk of something_."

"What are you singing?" asked Carrey.

"_Australia _by Dodo." said Mabel.

"Well it's annoying." said Carrey.

"Of course it's annoying. It's a meme song."

There was a loud rumble. Mabel realized she hadn't eaten much since Waddles stole her bagel.

"Ugh. I'm starving. Got any trail mix? The kind with the candy in it? I only eat the candy."

"I have this" said Carrey as he pulled out a small brown mound from his satchel.

"What's that?" asked Mabel.

"Pemican." said Carrey, "Made it myself."

Mabel looked at the pemican with suspicion before reluctantly popping it in her mouth.

"Tastes like dried meat and berries." said Mabel.

"That's because it IS dried meat and berries." said Carrey.

"I think it needs sprinkles." said Mabel.

Carrey "looked" up into the air.

"I need you to stay quiet." he whispered.

"Why are we whispering?" asked Mabel.

"I hear a dragon nearby." Carrey whispered back.

"Ooh. I hope it's a two-headed dragon that makes pop-culture references." whispered Mabel.

"Quiet! This could be dangerous." whispered Carrey.

"Oh." said Mabel.

There was a loud flapping sound, as if a giant winged creature was landing on the ground. Mabel could see a large shadow moving amongst the trees. She held onto Carrey's arm as he took a defense stance, holding his staff out. The dragon popped its head out. Merlin flew by and screeched, alerting Carrey to strike at the dragon's nose. The dragon then swept Carrey under his legs, making him drop his staff before the dragon burnt it.

In a panic, Carrey felt for his staff. Mabel watched as the dragon was about to blow more fire towards him. She knew she had to do something, so she grabbed her grappling hook. shot at a branch on a tree, swung towards Carrey and away from the dragon. The dragon looked around for them before getting bored and flying off.

"There. We should be safe here." said Mabel.

Carrey then pushed himself away from Mabel.

"I didn't need your help!" he said.

"Carrey, that dragon was going to barbecue you." said Mabel, "I had to save your life."

"Well you helped enough. I don't need your sympathy." said Carrey.

"Sympathy? I would've saved you even if you weren't handicapped." said Mabel.

"Just forget it."

Carrey stumbled off. Mabel felt frustrated, yet at the same time couldn't help but feel there was something up with Carrey's attitude. She wondered if there was some way to make it up to him.


	3. Chapter 3

Carrey was brooding near a tree, throwing rocks at the ground. Mabel walked up to him with a branch that she stripped clean.

"Hey" said Mabel, "I got you a new staff. I even carved a star in it for good luck."

"You didn't have to do that." said Carrey.

"I wanted to." said Mabel.

She handed the staff over to Carrey. Then she sat next to him.

"So you're not turned off by my attitude towards you?" asked Carrey.

"Well, you are a bit grumpy, I'll admit, but I've dealt with grumpier." said Mabel.

Mabel sat next to Carrey. Normally, Mabel would be the one to talk up a storm, but she decided to just sit back and take in the awkward silence. Then, Carrey spoke.

"I didn't always live in this forest. I use to be a normal kid until the fire."

Mabel perked up her ears. She didn't expect Carrey to give a backstory.

"I lost everything. My home, my family, my sight; to say I took things well would be a lie. The worst part though was people looking down at me because I had lost so much."

"Man, ableism sucks." said Mabel, "But you shouldn't give up on yourself. You know I look at you and I see a sweet, sensitive boy who does amazing things."

"You're too kind, Mabel." said Carrey.

"I mean it though. You saved me from that tree earlier."

Merlin squawked and landed on a branch nearby.

"So how did you find Merlin?" asked Mabel.

"I didn't. He found me." said Carrey, "He taught me everything about surviving in the forest."

"Including making pemican?" asked Mabel.

"Aluminum winged kestrels are culinary experts. You should try his chicken consomme." said Carrey.

Suddenly, Merlin screeched and started flying.

"Merlin has found something! Come on!"

Carrey grabbed Mabel's hand and lead her over to where Merlin flew. Mabel saw the ground with indents in the soil.

"Waddles tracks." she gasped.

Carrey bent down on the ground, feeling the tracks.

"They're still fresh. Your pig is somewhere around here."

Mabel looked around and saw the tracks leading to a cave.

"There's a cave nearby. It looks like Waddles went in there."

"We'll have to be careful." said Carrey, "There could be a bear or an ogre in there."

"Aren't ogres made out of stone?" asked Mabel.

"No, you're thinking of trolls." said Carrey.

"Well lets just go then." said Mabel.

Mabel, Carrey, and Merlin cautiously went into the cave. It was rather dark, with most of the stalagmites and stalactites covered in shadows.

"I can barely see in this cave." said Mabel.

"Here. Take my hand." said Carrey as he took her hand and lead her through the cave.

There was a sudden loud snorting sound, echoing through the cave.

"What was that?!" asked Mabel.

"I don't know!" said Carrey.

Suddenly, out of the shadows, stepped a familiar chubby, pink face.

"WADDLES!"

Mabel ran over to Waddles and hugged him. At that moment, tiny kittens with fairy-like wings came out of the shadows as well.

"Kitten fairies!" smiled Mabel.

She noticed one of them had a piece of lox hanging out of its mouth before it ate it.

"They've been eating my bagel." said Mabel.

"Waddles must've been feeding them." said Carrey.

"Of course! That makes perfect sense!" said Mabel.

the kitten fairies gathered around and started licking Mabel.

"You know, people in Gravity Falls would LOVE to have these." said Mabel.

"You mean put them up for adoption?" asked Carrey.

"Why not? Waddles has been their only mother for a while and I think they should at least go to some good homes." said Mabel.

"Well, I guess it's worth a shot." said Carrey.


	4. Chapter 4

Mabel and Carrey brought the kitten fairies back to the Mystery Shack. They set up an adoption for the kitten fairies and started giving them to people who wanted them.

"This kitten fairy adoption idea is GREAT! It's better promotion than when I attached that axe to that chicken taxidermy." said Grunkle Stan.

After all the kitten fairies were given away, Mabel turned to Carrey.

"Hey, I wanted to thank you for helping me find my pig." said Mabel.

"No, Mabel." said Carrey, "I should thank you."

"Me?" asked Mabel.

"Yes." said Carrey, "You helped give me confidence in myself. I've been too afraid to of what other people thought of me that I've become a hermit. Now I'm thinking of coming back to society and being more open."

"Oh. Well you're welcome."

Carrey then surprised Mabel with a kiss.

"I better get going." said Carrey. "See ya."

Mabel blushed as Carrey went off.

"You only knew Carrey for a day." said Dipper.

"Would three days have made it better?" asked Mabel.

"...Slightly..." said Dipper.


End file.
